iklan

Sunday, September 11, 2016

ONE LAST GOODBYE

I was thinking what should I tell you,
It sounds like excuses that I created to meet you,
But it's not, something we need to do,
I don't want to have any relation regardings to you,

oh I don't want 

So, I texted you
asking will you be free
and I don't know what to say, it feels so different to finally texting you again
oh again,
when we actually used to text each other,
back then 2 years ago.

luckily you're free on the day we set,
before you have to go
flying to the place 
that we have discussed before.
congratulations
congratulations
I was confused, should I be happy or not
its mean that you have to go

no a little distance
but finally...
across the other side of the world.
if we follow the memories before,
it should be me instead then why should now it'll be her.

on that day, I was waiting for you,
not sure how the tummy feels,
still nervous and shaking,
the way I used,

waiting and hoping that you'll coming,
as you're so unsure,
to come or not,
yes I'm no longer deserve sort of your time,
but I'm still here, wasting my time,
writing about you,

you stand in front of me,
I was having my sixth senses
feelings that someone is watching,
when I looked up, you're waving
a little hye from your dancing lips,

statued, I was.
Not a figure, I used to meet,
well just let said,we have'nt meet more than 3 years
so you seems so unfamiliar with me,
not really sure, if I hit you with a smile?

but I remember I said let's us settle this,
sort of losing my words,
nervousness strike me, 
when they asked to fill the some part with my detail
it's weird that you still remember mine,.

you were asking so many questions,
I swear that I would like to reply,
but no, my heart get the scars bleeding again,
and tears start to burst,
only some hand signs I can showed,
when you asked, how's my life is going,
a thumb up will hide everything,

when you said sorry for everything,
it doesn't make things forgettable but much harder to relief,
I know you're looking at me, 
I can see through the reflection from the mirror in front of me,
but
I'm choosing to look away,
rather than looking at you,
I'm way better holding my tears, that way
but you noticed anyway,
saying my smiles could not hide the pain.

if you know I'm in pain, 
why still you treating me that way,
so you said, don't forget you when I'm getting married,
was'nt sure who's Im gonna pick,
rather than loving myself seems better, 
because you taught me, not to trust your gender
and you taught me that only me can wipe my own tears,

there are so many questions inside my head,
wanna ask you but rather keep it quiet,

when the things get settled, I walked away without saying anything,
just a "thank you" for coming,
for not wasting my sister's time,

but when i turned around,
I heard you say bye,
and I know,this would be the last goodbye.
as 
we have no relation anymore.
sadly it feels like you said goodbye, while I'm still saying hi

all the eye contacts you're trying to make one, 
I choose to look away
because with that I know that I won't fall back.
but still standing.
wasn't sure about my feeling,
If I need someone or I just love to be alone,
it feels so bad when you break my soul, and I feel bad for breaking another souls,
I'm so sorry.

they said time will heal me, but no, it's only hide it, there's a time when it strike, 
I still cry like it was yesterday.



Monday, August 22, 2016

TEMUDUGA

Bismillah, Alhamdulillah
Assalamualaikum. haii people ! (bapak acah)

so memandangkan sekarang ni tengah cuti semester (cuti la sangat, seminggu je.. alhamdulillah syukur) aku ingat nak update sikit pasal interview sebelum masuk kuliyah dulu.
sebenarnya da lama nak update, tapi ye la,, dulu takut.. kalau update.. kang Dr tu terbaca,, terus dia kan sel kemasukan aku. nauzubillahi minzalik... jangan la Dr, saya nak kongsi je ni..
hahahaha

I'm so sorry in advance ye DR kalau ada yang mengguris hati.

sebenarnya aku rasa semua orang da familiar dengan interview ni (IV) yela, dari mock interview time highschool, tapisan nak masuk universiti or mara or biasiswa bagai en ?
so kita boleh kata common la. so kalau ada orang yang macam confident da dengan diri dia, rasa nak skip entry ni boleh je.. Iolls cuma nak share je apa yang aku lalui time interview sebelum masuk degree kat Uia ni. (kalau ada yang tertanya, aku amek kos pergigian selama 5 tahun, ni tahun pertama insyaaAllah- long way to go so doa doakan aku dan batchmates ku berjaya, Allahuma ameen)


so let's get started. kalau benda first nak fikir mestila preparation, daripada pakaian, cara susunan file hinggalah ke hari temuduga tu

so kita petik secara brief je la eh memandangkan aku nak fokus temuduga aku dulu.

pakaian

paling basic sekali kena kemas, rambut, tudung, muka, make up tu. semua kena on point. rambut kena kemas letak gel or minyak, tudung or apa2 je jangan nak meriah macam nak pergi dinner. muka make sure berseri. tak perlu make up persis wanita opera. pakaian jangan macam pokok krismas (orang kata) so not more than 3 colors, no big flower, no striking color, no big abstract. plain is the best. boleh further google kalau mahu.

susunan file

from the best to the ordinary one. buku fail academic mesti asing dengan koko, nak kasi kemas, don't forget your resume. ( what makes people must choose you ) ok ? arasso ?

preparation

at least cari la sikit info tentang temuduga awak tu. try nak perkenalkan diri. practice. especially kalau temuduga awak tu bahasa asing. tak nak la nampak eh uk um. semua tu.. nak fluent gitu. tapi make sure jangan over sangat like kerek namateyy.. hahaha kena chill sikit. sebab nanti interviewver rasa awak ni sesuatu yang sengal.


my experience.

kalau tak silap i, interview denti ni, dalam minggu exam. ke lepas exam ? ke sebelum exam? ehhh area area tu la eh. dah la rasa semak sangat sebab takda proper attire. (bukan kes perempuan banyak baju but tak bersyukur!! aku memang takda baju sesuai duh) baju yang ada, corak bunga sebesar raflesia, color terang bak hilighter . pokoknya ngak sesuai deh. so aku pun 2 weeks before tu gatai la p order online ^.^ (ni je la ubatnya) so amek baju warna tanah.. so dah lengkap pakaian aku
[baju jubah dress warna tanah: tudung light orange ; kasut bertutup batu bata ( additional 1cm heels )]

pastu, kan aku kata week tu busy kan, so ada la sikit sikit je search pasal uia, pasal dentistry secara mendalam. masa tu la nak hafal triple ICE hahaha.sapa rector etc. pastu ada group classmate lama, which is semua denti.. so dok kongsi maklumat kat situ ( ilmu tu ibarat air, jadi biarkan ia mengalir ) . tapi rasa macam, eh kesian kat budak denti lain. so , kitorang open group tu untuk jadi group budak denti yang kekal sehingga hari ini ( ti-ten-nium) btach ke sepuluh yuaieh. so pakat gila share, selagi mampu jawab, jawab. MASA TU RASA MACAM FINAL YEAR EXAM DENTI .hahahaha, semua benda try to fit in mind. ada ja some people rasa insecure dengan tindakan some of us yang nampak acah macam well-prepared sangat. hahaha padahal. lebih kurang jek

so esok tu, berdebar la, list name keluar, mujur dentistry punya iv sorang sorang. takda la nebes gila
. so aku punya turn, petang. lepas zohor ( aku macam alamak, terkejar kejar ni,mmm confirm sebab nak qailullah lagi hehe) pastu alhamdulillah., i can be there on time
aku orang ketiga petang tu if not mistaken,hm

so masa tunggu tu, lama juga la, sebab Drs habis session 2 punya iv tu lambat, so kena consider time diorang nak solat, nak lunch lagi. so masa tu, buat discussion la. discuss semua cuak je bila dengar soalan2 bocordari pagi tadi punya iv, tanya pasal denti secara deep . pasal pendapat tentang tunic la.. etec. tunic tu,, baju uniform masa 3,4,5th year.

masa tengah borak borak tu, out of sudden ada satu Dr ni ternampak kawan aku punya soalan2 yang dia list, so one of them is about Tunic. so Dr tu was like.. aiyooo soalan bocor..!!! tak boleh jadi kena ubah kann soalan kita Dr iswan . (( masa tu semua dah kelat !! soalan apa lagi.. Ya Allah )

so kitorang just tunggu ja, apa jadi untuk first calon, jeng jeng jeng,, nad kot kalau tak silap 
tunggu dia lama la juga, sampai neves aku dibuatnya. so senang cerita aku masuk toilet dalam 3-4 kali tau! hahahaa. pastu aku masuk kawasan iv tu then nad keluar, masa tu sempat la borak sikit.
tanya weh soalan apa..
pastu dia kata, dia tak ingat sangat. banyak juga ditanya (yelaaa lama kot) pastu dia ingat satu je, Dr tanya teka teki. "bagaimana nak masukkan gajah dalam peti"

so kitorang yang belum masuk ni, gunakan gajet sebaik mungkin untuk google beberapa teka teki . Lels. pastu aku pergi tandas lagi !!!! teruk kan neves aku.

pastu lepas balik tu,, aku isolate diri aku kat bawah aircond, sebab kau tahu laaaa paip kat level three tu, kalau pressure dia kuat  sangat, habis basah baju aku. ( kalau boleh nak laaa nampak purfecttt )
so bagi kering jap.. pastu orang kedua lepas nad tu keluar,, ehh maknanya turn aku la kannnn..

masa tu jantung lub dub lub dub blup blup . hahaha neves punya beat. tapi muka kena maintain senyum. aku bab fake smile ni, pro sikit selain resting B face. hahaa

so aku ketuk pintu, makin dekat and makin dekat with the board of DRs. aku tak duduk selagi tak duduk,instead aku kena attacked. First question," kamu yang tanya soalan kat saya semalam kan?"
aku pun cam telan ayaq liuq la weh. pastu ngaku, Dr tanya aoa ntah lagi,. tapi tetiba aku dengar  Dr sue suruh duduk, then thank you apa semua. ( oh tapi semua ni in english ya anak anak?) uia ni omputeh kalau tak pun arab.

first question:
 so apa yang awak dah tahu tentang iv ni, takkan la kawan kawan apa tak beritahu apa apa ?

me: erm, saya tak tahu banyak Dr. saya pergi tandas tadi, dapat tahu satu soalan. 
Drs: oh siapa kawan awak yang bagitahu tu? mai kitorang nak cancel nama dia
me: ( need 999!!!) hm.. saya sebenarnya tahu dari ramai orang, so saya pun konfius. ( masa ni defensive mode jap )tauriyah arab dia, double meaning, hahaha.
Drs: oo awak tahu tak kerja dr ni kita kena tanggungjawab bla bla bla. kena tazkirah free time ni. masa ni ada provocking(.which is aku macam.. rilek la dr... sendu dah saya ni.)
me: sebenarnya Dr, saya pergi tandas, so tak join sangat, lepas p tandas, saya duduk kat situ (while pointing that so called ISOLATED DESK)
Drs: so, awak ni memang selfish? tak nak join kawan2, ooo tak bagus ni as a Dr. 
me: defensive mode lagi, eh bukan macam tu,,, macam ni .. (trying to clarify )
Drs: awak kalau Dr kena MENGAKU KESALAHAN, YOU TAK BOLEH BUAT SALAH THEN POINT KAT ORANG LAIN, KEJAP YE KEJAP TAK.
me: Excuse me Drs, i think i must clean my name right here, let me clarify.. bla bla A-Z

pastu dia tanya.. teka teki" macam mana nak masukkan gajah dalam peti ais"
me: buka peti , letak gajah, tutup
Drs: kalau saya nak letak zirafah?
me" buka peti, take out gajah, letak zirafah, tutup
DRs: TAK ACI, SOALAN BOCOR


question two:

Dr. Iswan : saya tengok gambar profile kat sini, i can see mole. quite big but where is it ?
me: HAHAHAHA terbahak aku kat situ, tak sopan betoi. but aku explain laaa kenapa boleh tetiba almost vanish macam Dr kata.. ( cerita laaa pasai akil, sambil tangan aku naik bila bercerita sakan)
Dr: tapi awak patut update, tak boleh guna gambar ni.. awak da tipu saya buat kali kedua. Dr tak patut macam ni,.. tipu profile.. tahu tak awak boleh dibuang .. awak tak layak.. again your name.. *kita boleh reject nama dia*(( time provoke ni.. huhuhuhuhu na nangis) T.T 
me: my bad dr pasai gambar etc.. acah mengaku.. hehehe

question 3:

masa aku bercerita tu,, kan angkat tangan,, so he saw something.
Dr: i can see ring, you dah kawen? dah bertunang?
me : ( hellyaaa NOO!!!) eh tak Dr.
Dr: so kenapa awak pakai ? awak tak serius belajar? ada plan nak kawen time belajar ???
me: sebenarnya blabla bla bla....(tak leh tahu nanti lari la matlamat aku pakai kalau aku cerita kat hampa semua )
Dr: awak menipu kali ketiga.. this is too much .! tak layakkkk.. awak takda hak nak halang lelaki suka awak dengan pakai cincin etc. banyak gila kena tazkirah.. ahhahaha

question 4:

take this plain paper
Drs: macam mana nak bakar paper ni ?
me : lighter???
Drs : okey lagi ( more than 5x) -.-"" haha
me, magnifying glass, put in in fire...... use rock
Drs: if i give you rock, can you make fire?
me ( ya Allah, matila nak....) terus teringat,, haritu saya tengok NG so dia kata, kalau nak buat api guna batu, batu tu kena betoi betoi kering. so im afraid batu yang Dr bagi tu tak cukup kering .

question 5 :

Drs: bakat u ?
me: multitalented (puih ) menyanyi, menari, melukis, berlakon.( semua aku bedal, acah je hebat)
Drs: too cliche, berlakon? kami nak awak berlakon. take that white paper and pretending that you received a reject letter ((WHATTTT!!!))
me: belakon .. lipat paper, acah buka.. so masa tu hati da sendu.. acah baca.. pastu mommy, i didnt get bla bla bla.. but i akan apply rayuannn.. diorang akan menyesal for rejecting me.. masa tu air mata menitikkkkk

DRs: did you just cried? omaigod hayati watakkk.. bagus bagus.. tahu tak KOD ada drama nanti.. I nak u perform sekali lagi depan kami
(banyak laaaa hayati watak... memang sedih betoi kotttt.. hahaha but nevermind)

DRs: belakon balik, lipat surat tu, in the other way ( padahal plain paper, ya Allah menguji) dan kata awak dapat tawaran,.sebab rayuan awak tu.
me: berlakonbalik..... "alhamdulillah......"
DRs: that alhamdulillah tho.. really uia student
me: ahhahahaha

Question 6: 
Drs: so nak sambung belajar mahal.. u nak amek pinjaman ke pama ?
me: as for me, my parents dah tua, so i tak sampai hati nak bebankan diorang. i maybe minta tolong siblings. but as far as i concern , diorang mesti ada kegunaab sendiri.. and i rasa i nak apply ptptn. as at my age i should be responsible, i yang nak belajar. etc..
Drs: that's great !

pastu sembang apa ntah lagi.. pasal family background. semua terkejut aku ada 10 siblings.. hahaha kemonla.. hahah..

pastu okeyyy we're finished.. sempat lagi aku berdiri and kata.

" DRS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND IM HOPING TO MEET YOU IN KULIYYAH SOON, THANK YOU "


oke.. sebenarnya dah makin short dah tulisan aku ni.. sebab la ni kul 2 pagi beb.. so letih hhaha.. semoga bermanfaar.. share la kat kawan kawan.

so jangan cuak. jangan kerek, jangan cepat nangis, be prepared.

goodluck gais. !! see you in kuliyyah 




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